relief?

Haha.

Finally did it.

Gone are the nights of stressing and fretting about what I should do. I knew it was a mistake from the beginning, I should know better than to just go with the moment and believe that stupid fucking magic 8 ball lol. It's such a liar :P esp after the answer it gave me today... Though to be fair it was a stupid question lol, common sense told me that it would be the shittest idea of the century anyway, magic 8 ball was probably mocking me lol. what a fucker :P

.... oh wow maybe it's not going as easy as I thought it would be. I doubt anyone can fall for someone in such a short amount of time... I thought I was nipping this in the bud but apparently I still took too long Oo at least it's all over now haha.

Now I'm going to go find somewhere else to live, because I don't want to live with him, I might go and join a random flat, I kind of just want a new beginning. Though I'm still not sure about what I was thinking about before... I might do that instead, methinks. I'll talk about it with my mum tonight I reckon, see what she thinks. Parents always know best :) They're going to be so disappointed about the break up, they really really liked him. But I just... no.

He was nowhere near what I wanted, he was just so passive and ... nice. Like, such a decent guy, but I just don't dig that kind of attitude where it's like whatever you do is fine because you're my gf. It's like man up, tell me what you're thinking! Tell me what you want, tell me how you feel. And for fuck's sake, feel something other than happy all the time. Apparently there were all these guys hitting on me at Big K on Wednesday (didn't know that I went to big k at all... haha Xx) and he just stood there. I want someone who wants me. Lol. Someone who won't leave it up to me to do everything like choose the movie, choose the day, choose the flat, I don't want it to be my choice all the fucking time! I want to have conflict, I want to have fights, I want some fucking passion! Lol.

Through conflict there is freedom.

Haha fuck I'm such a Realist lol. But I do think that's true, the only way we can truly achieve happiness and freedom is through the use of conflict. It is through conflict that true personalities and truths come out. What use is there for a passive peace that glosses over all that bullshit? fuck that man. I'd way rather be screaming my lungs out til 5 in the morning.

so yeah, am relieved that's all over :) think I'm just gonna get into my pjs and watch greys and eat all night. I wish I was back in Dunedin or at home or bleh. stupid magic 8 ball telling me lies. lol ok gonna go rent out grey's before someone else rents it out haha.